Z is for Zounds! I'm Zonked!

Technically, being zonked refers to an alcoholic or drug-induced stupor. And zounds is a euphemism for a mild oath.

So technically I'm not really zonked.

But this is the last day of the A to Z Blog Challenge, and I've grown accustomed to thinking of each blogging day by its designated letter. By the time I arrived at Z, I was zapped and totally lacking in zest. I possessed zero ideas for a blog post. Frankly, I felt a little like a zombie.

Yes, I've been zombified.

To put a little zing back in my life, I'm going to take the weekend off from blogging and will do two interesting things:

1. On Saturday, I'm going to drop by Old Firehouse Books because Wyoming author C. J. Box will be there to sign his new Joe Pickett novel, Nowhere to Run. If you like mysteries and suspense, and you haven't read anything by C. J., you need to remedy that situation right away.

2. On Sunday, I'm participating in Make a Joyful Noise, a four-hour drumming workshop with author Pat Walker and Gayan Gregory Long.

Then the zero hour arrives. That's when I must decide what on earth I'm going to blog about now that the A to Z Challenge is complete. I've been in a zone, but now I need something new I can attack with zeal. Topics with zip.

I suspect the drumming workshop will give me a few ideas. Maybe I'll spend some time on mystical subjects and fantastical books. Or take a road trip and blog about it. Or go see Cirque Soleil (the one with Beatles music) in Vegas in June. Okay, that was cheating. A friend and I already have tickets for that one.

Maybe I'll survive the end of the challenge after all.

Zooks, how do I end this Z post?

Here we go.

Zucchini.

Y is for Yada Yada Yada

This is the next to last day of the A to Z Blog Challenge. Don't forget Monday, May 3rd, is the day to check this blog and others that participated in the challenge for our thoughts -- why we participated and what we learned in the process.

Back to my Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary:

Yada yada yada (or yada yada or yadda yadda or yadda yadda yadda) -- "boring or empty talk (listening to a lot of yada yada about the economy) -- often used interjectionally esp. in recounting words regarded as too dull or predictable to be worth repeating."

Although most of us probably attribute this phrase and usage to the Seinfeld series, the dictionary says it probably originated with yatata meaning idle chatter or yatter-yatter meaning chatter.

I apply the phrase when describing political speeches, Senate committee hearings, and talk shows. There is also a certain amount of yada yada yada on blogs and in blog comments (but not ours, of course).


Y is also for Yawner

Yawner -- "1: one that yawns 2: something that causes boredom (the show was a real~)"

This is what today's post is turning out to be. A real yawner.

"What did she blog about today?"

"Uh, the letter Y."

"Yeah? What did she say?"

"Uh, I don't know, something about the dictionary and yada yada yada. It was a real yawner."


Y is also for Yoicks

Yoicks -- "used as a cry of encouragment to foxhounds."

Really? Wow.


And, finally, Y is for Yogurt which is Yummy, especially when mixed with frozen blueberries and a little granola.

I have nothing else to say about Y.

Yawn.

X is for Xander (as in Zen and Xander Undone)

Zen and Xander Undone is the new YA novel by Amy Kathleen Ryan, one of our Northern Colorado writers. The book's official release date is in May, but I ordered and received the book last week.

I read Amy's previous novel, Vibes, last year and thought it was excellent. It's now out in trade paperback, so if you have an older teen who loves to read, you might want to consider this story of a girl who thinks she's psychic and doesn't like what she sees and hears as a result.

The new novel, Zen and Xander Undone, is for the older teen (and for grownups like me who love to read YA novels). The publisher's synopsis as listed on barnesandnoble.com:

"Zen and Xander are sisters—truly, madly, deeply sisters, and this is their last summer together.

Zen is the "good" girl with a black belt in karate and a newfound penchant for kicking heads. Xander is a wild scientific genius with a self-destructive streak a light-year long. They have three things in common: they’re brown-eyed blondes, they’ve noticed the boy next door has turned into a hottie, and they miss their mom, who died almost a year ago.

These sisters are surviving just fine—except Zen keeps getting into fights that are harder and harder to finish, while Xander spirals into a vortex of late-night parties, scary men, and drugs. What’s worse, Xander has scholarships to the most coveted universities in the country, but she’s about to ruin everything. Should Zen keep trying to protect Xander, or finally let her go?"

I was lucky that I didn't have to comb the dictionary for a good "X" word to use for this post in the A to Z Blog Challenge. Serendipity...

W is for Ways I Waste Time

I don't want to waste too much of your time, so I'll only list ten of my favorites:

1. Search the library catalog for books I want to read -- place them on Hold, even though I already have a mile-high pile of books next to my favorite reading chair.

2. Watch my tulips. They're hardly ever doing anything interesting, but you never know.

3. Search for a recipe online -- specifically one that uses leftover turkey, peas, and celery.

4. Take everything out of the hall closet, then put it all back. I guess that's a lot like digging holes and then filling them in again. Emptying the hall closet, however, is easier, and I can do it without getting wet when it's raining.

5. Sit in front of the computer and stare at a blank Word document.

6. Rewrite my To Do List.

7. Dust the mini-blinds.

8. Read a few of the posts, articles, group digests, and newsletters I've stored in folders.

9. Think about writing query letters and preparing submissions. Add item to my To Do List.

10. Watch television. Tuesday: American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, Glee, Lost, V -- Thank goodness I have a DVR!

V is for V

We're winding down. Arlee Bird's A to Z Blogging Challenge is almost over. We'll be do the summary posts on May 3rd.




Today, however, I'm dealing with the letter "V", and I couldn't think of a better topic than V -- the science-fiction television series on ABC. V is for Visitors, and they're not the kind of visitors you want knocking at your door.

My husband and I got a little crazy when we watch V. We saw all these parallels between the characters and story line and real life, real world events. I suspected the show was more political satire than sci fi. Was it just me?

I Googled "Sci fi V as political satire" and found these interesting posts and articles:

Slant Magazine's TV Review.

"V works best when it forgoes its shaky aspirations for political satire and sticks to the action."

Asylum for All Mankind.

"Although ABC downplays the connections, in this update [see The Washington Post link below], the alien visitors share a lot in common with the Obama administration. Many town hall protesters might ask what the difference is."

The Washington Post

"Almost as if Lou Dobbs had taken over the network, ABC plans to debut a series in the fall about aliens who come to Earth promising "hope," "change" and universal health care, but who actually want to infiltrate our government and our businesses and, to that end, have rallied the country's youth behind their nefarious campaign."

Whether it's political satire or just plain old entertaining sci fi, the show has grabbed our attention and we're fans.

Not fans of the V, though. Those are the aliens and they're not nice people...uh, reptiles.

In 1983 there was another V -- a miniseries. The story line sounds the same. I just added it to my Netflix Queue and bumped it to the top of the list. Will it sound like the real world and real life in 1983? Or will it sound just like today's television V?

I'm sure you'll be lying awake at night until you have the answer, so I'll let you know as soon as I watch the old mini-series.

Those of you who like sci fi, have you seen the original mini-series? Do you watch the television series? If so, what do you think?

Sunday Bits and Pieces

Jesus Christ Superstar

Yesterday I went to a matinee performance of Jesus Christ Superstar, the Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber rock opera. Ted Neeley (now 65) headlined as Jesus, the role he played in the 1973 movie version. He was good, but I (and the two older ladies sitting behind me) felt a younger Jesus would have been more appropriate, especially considering the age and extraordinary talent of the rest of the cast. Most experts place Jesus' age at about 33 when he was crucified.

First performed on Broadway in 1971, the production is on another extended tour through the U.S. and Canada. The minimalist staging is well done, the cast is very talented, and the music worth hearing again and again.


Arizona's New Law on Immigration

President Obama doesn't like it.
Mexico's Foreign Ministry doesn't like it.
Mexican American Legal Defense and Educational Fund doesn't like it.
There's a bit of brouhaha from truckers threatening a boycott.

Looks to me like a big pile of poo is about to hit the fan.

I'm not going to debate the issue here, but you can read these articles from The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, or this article from The Arizona Republic.

Or you can do your homework and read Arizona SB 1070 for yourself.


What's Next in the A to Z Blog Challenge?

There's only one week left. Monday through Friday -- V through Z. Then the big wrap-up on May 3rd. I don't know if Arlee Bird at tossing it out is going to dismantle his A to Z blogroll or not, so you might want to pop over there and check out all the participants before it's too late.


What I'm Reading

Hester by Paula Reed. I'm enjoying the book a lot. Even though I didn't need to re-read The Scarlet Letter first, I'm glad I did. I'll tell you more about that when I finish Hester.

U is for Useless (and Why I Keep Useless Things Around the House)

I hardly need to consult my trusty Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary to explain "useless." I found the following useless items around my house (and garage):

1. Erasers. I have a delete key. My eraser is an ornament.

I keep a few erasers around my office just in case the computer dies or the power goes out when I'm in the mood to write. I keep legal pads around the house for the same reason.

2. The landline telephone. I hate to talk on the phone so I rarely answer it. Most incoming calls are hangups, which means the call was going to be a useless waste of my time anyway. If callers leave a message on the answering machine, I can screen the call and answer immediately, or I can call the person back later...or I can delete the call and forget it.

The only reason we keep the landline is for emergencies. Although we have cell phones that we never turn on, one is kept in the car and one in my purse. If the house was on fire, it would be faster to grab the phone in the kitchen to dial for help than to track down my purse or run out to the garage, turn on the phone, wait for a signal, then dial.

3. Dead computers. We have several pieces of old electronic equipment that aren't in good enough condition to donate to a charitable organization.

They sit around the house gathering dust because we can't put them in the recycle bin. One of these days we'll load up the car and tote them to the dead equipment relocation camp...one of these days.

4. Big stupid shrub that keeps the front gate from opening all the way. When I have the tree guys come to prune the apple tree, the shrub is going to bite the dust.

It stayed as long as it did because we kept thinking magical gnomes would fix the problem while we slept.

5. Cardboard boxes. Lots of them. At first I saved the ones I thought would be useful for gifts and mailing. After I accumulated too many, I moved them to the garage to share space with bigger boxes (like the lawn mower box).

I'm actually making progress here because we recently transferred our garbage contract to a system with a bigger recycle bin on wheels. And I bought my very own box-cutter (with a pretty orange handle and a handy-dandy mini-cutter which I could carry in my purse -- which I would probably forget to take out before my next airline trip and therefore would end up marched away in plastic handcuffs surrounded by grim-looking agents toting automatic weapons).

Sorry...fiction writers tend to get carried away at the tiniest opportunity...

I am recycling more cardboard now, and I have not yet cut myself. I've decided to keep the mini-cutter in my office (not my purse).

6. A large plastic bin full of old T-shirts and socks that I intend to use as dust rags. Hahahahaha! Dust rags. For dusting. Hahahahaha!

I could come up with a lot more useless things in my house, yard, and life, but I try to limit the length of my posts. What about you? Do you have anything useless in your house?

T is for Twitter

A local writer friend is starting a blog, but he told me no amount of persuasion would make him get involved with Twitter.

Another writer spoke up and said an editor he'd talked to at a recent conference advised all his authors to establish a web presence. Yes, including Twitter.

"Twitter is a convenient and powerful way to increase traffic to your blog," I added.

The writer who's about to plunge into blogger world looked doubtful and a little apprehensive. He seemed to be thinking, "Oh, no."

When I first signed up on the Twitter site nearly a year ago, I had no idea what I was doing. I quickly adapted to the process and the jargon, and was soon addicted enough to spend two or three hours at a time reading "tweets" (the 140-character burst of info sent by members). Obviously, that had to stop.

What I guard against:

1. Spam and scams, especially suspicious links. I have a "do not click" policy in general, although I follow links to blog posts if I trust the sender.

2. Addiction. Use a timer if you have to, but set limits and stick to them.

3. Alienating your followers with too many tweets, useless babble, and insulting language. Avoid sarcasm or insults that may be misinterpreted in 140-character comments.

How I benefit from Twitter:

1. Since I engage with follows/followers who tweet about topics of interest, visit their blogs and leave comments, and thank those who mention my ID or blog in their tweets, I've made a lot of new friends. Those friends also visit my blog and leave comments. I'm @PStoltey or you can search for me under Patricia Stoltey.

2. The literary agent list I'm developing is open to all who visit my profile. Others have recommended additions to my list, which means even more contacts.

3. I have found new Facebook friends via Twitter.

4. By following local news and weather sites, I get fast reports and warnings. I had my laptop and a chair in the hall closet last spring when severe thunderstorms spawned a tornado a few miles from our house. That was lots better than being in the dark (so to speak).

Most writers will want to know if Twitter has increased my book sales. My answer -- indirectly. Blogging has increased my book sales, and Twitter helps increase traffic to my blog.

I know some of you won't touch Twitter with a ten-foot pole. It can be a time suck, and goodness knows we have enough of those already.

But for those who wonder if it's worth the trouble, I can only say, that's up to you and how you use it. I like it, but it's not for everyone. Just because you give it a try doesn't mean you have to keep your account forever. Try it, and if you don't like it, jump ship. I won't tell...

This post is part of the A to Z Blog Challenge for the month of April. For those who have been interested in this challenge and would like to know how it worked out for everyone, there will be a big day of reporting on May 3rd. Individual bloggers will write about their experiences, and Arlee Bird, the challenge architect, will wrap it all up on his blog, tossing it out.

S is for Schadenfreude

Schadenfreude is "enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others" (according to my trusty Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary).

Schadenfreude is what a top golfer might experience, after playing the circuit for twenty years and remaining morally and ethically pure as the driven snow, when he sees a celebrity golfer finally suffer humiliating exposure after years of behaving badly.

Old retired George could feel schadenfreude when his next-door neighbor slips and sprains his ankle on a patch of ice by the neighbor's own front door. After all, the neighbor reported George to the city for not shoveling a wide enough path on the snow-covered sidewalk in front of George's house.

And it's just possible that the guy in the Porsche who rode Amy Lou's bumper for three blocks until he could race past and beat her to the red light will be the cause of her schadenfreude when she sees him pulled over by a patrol car a block later.

I'd like to pretend I never enjoy someone's mishaps or misfortunes, but I definitely smirk when I see some jerky driver pulled over by the cops. And I've been known to feel a bit smug when someone who fiercely defended his point of view against all my arguments is proven wrong and he suffers some minor inconvenience as a result.

Whether we're writing fiction or memoir, schadenfreude is a great topic to explore as we develop our characters. The cause of the emotion and the degree of joy and gloating that follow might tell us much about the character's sense of right and wrong.

R is for Relaxation and Reading

I have to be at the dentist's office at 8:00 AM. That's way too early. I don't know why I did that.

Relaxation will come this afternoon when I enjoy the massage appointment I scheduled for early afternoon. At least that makes sense.

The other thing I do most often when I want to relax is read. That should be no surprise. I'm now reading Hester by Paula Reed.

I bought the newest Sandra Dallas book, Whiter Than Snow, at her book signing in my town last week. And I have two books from the library to read, one of them a writing book. I'll let you know if I like it.

And since this is a day of relaxation for me, I'll quit this post and work on my To Do List for the day after Relaxation Day. See you tomorrow for the letter "S".

Q is for Questions

My questions for you:


1. Are you writing a book?

If yes, please leave a comment and tell me what your book is about.

2. Do you have a book already published?

If yes, what's the name of the book and the date of its release.

3. Do you have a blog?
If yes, make sure you have your name or signature linked to your blog url so we can find you.


I'm going to hang around a lot today and will be happy to answer any questions you might have for me on writing, blogging, tweeting, Facebook friending, or whatever.

And for starters, here's the Harlequin Worldwide Mystery cover for my first novel, The Prairie Grass Murders, now available at Harlequin's online store. Originally published in hardcover by Five Star Publishing, the book is also available as an audiobook from Books in Motion.

A question I've been asked many times in the last six months: Is the book on Kindle? The answer is: Not yet. I have the rights back now so am able to put the book out in any ebook version as I have time. I'm currently looking at the instructions at Smashwords.com because it looks like a convenient way to handle all ebook formats at one time. For those who are interested, I'll keep you posted.

Now: any other questions?

P is for Pike's Peak Writers Conference, Private Investigators, and a Pig in a Poke

Pike's Peak Writers' Conference

The 2010 Pike's Peak Writers' Conference is this coming weekend, April 23-25 in Colorado Springs, Colorado. I will not be there, but I'd love to see a report from anyone who attends.


Private Investigators

One of the topnotch resources for crime writers, included in my Web Resources for Crime Writers post at The Blood-Red Pencil, is a P.I. team that has a blog called Guns, Gams, and Gumshoes. They also teach online classes for writers.


The Pig in a Poke

According to my Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, a pig in a poke is:

"something offered in such a way as to obscure its real nature or worth."

This is like:

1. getting the wool pulled over your eyes
2. being bamboozled
3. getting hoodwinked
4. being sucked in or made a sucker of

The origin of "pig in a poke" goes back to the 1500s. According to World Wide Words:

"Though the current version in full is “Don’t buy a pig in a poke”, don’t buy or accept something without first checking or assessing it, it’s first recorded in London around 1530 in a form intended to be good advice to honourable traders: “When ye proffer the pigge open the poke”, but its best known early appearance is in John Heywood’s A dialogue conteinyng the nomber in effect of all the proverbes in the Englishe tongue of 1546 (a title usually and with good reason abbreviated to Proverbs), where it appears in the form “Though he love not to buy the pig in the poke”. About 1555, Heywood included it in his other famous compilation work, Epigrammes, in the almost modern form “I will never bye the pig in the poke”.

Many Americans know a poke as a small bag or sack, which it was also in Heywood’s day (a usage that has survived in Scotland). A poke, for example, was a suitable container into which to stuff a piglet for sale in the local market.

The proverb encapsulates that wise advice to purchasers of goods, caveat emptor, let the buyer beware — always inspect the goods before you pay for them. Make the seller open his poke and show you the pig within."

I suggest this also applies to voters and what we should do before we go to the polls. And that's pretty much all I have to say about that.

My Favorite Color is Yellow

I love winter in Northern Colorado but I can't say I'm sorry to see this one end. It seemed we had more snow on the ground for longer periods of time, and the sun spent way more time behind clouds than I like.

When the first crocuses bloomed near my front door, I was thrilled. Then came the hyacinths and daffodils. Now my tulips. The first were these yellow beauties. The day I took this photo, they were wide open to enjoy the sun. We're going through a cooler spell now, so they've closed up until the air warms again.

When I was a kid, we had a wild, tangled rose bush that grew beneath the black cherry tree. The roses were this same shade of yellow, and they always bloomed around my birthday. Maybe that's why I'm so partial to yellow flowers.

In the top right hand corner of this photo you can see a tiny glimpse of one of my three lavender plants. I planted them last summer and they seem to be doing well. I trimmed off the dead spikes a couple of weeks ago and even the dried stems gave off a lavender scent and perfumed my dirty work gloves.

For those of you who read my earlier post about hunting for composting worms, I did find another garden center that had plenty of red worms on hand. My composting bin is full of fruit and veggie debris, a bit of soil, and 300 hungry worms. I'm thinking about starting a second bin now.

There's a lot to do in my yard this year. I tackle these chores a little bit at a time. Today I plan to make my first trip of the spring to Home Depot and back to one of the garden centers.

Tomorrow I'll continue the A to Z Blog Challenge with the letter "P" (and start worrying about what I want to write when I get to "Q").

O is for Old-Fashioned

Six things that make me feel old-fashioned:


1. I think kids should be allowed to play in the dirt more. Older adults do it. We call it gardening.

2. I don't like talking on the phone. I hate cell phones, only carry one in case I have an emergency, and only turn it on when I want to make a call (usually because I have a flat tire or expect to get home much later than expected).

3. I believe in personal freedom and personal responsibility, and I also believe that my rights stop at my neighbor's nose.

4. I think it would be good if all Americans had to spend one growing season working on a farm: walking the beans, cleaning out the chicken house, milking cows, baling hay.

5. I believe the news media should report the news, all of the news, accurately and without trying to sway public opinion. I want the truth, and I don't give a rat's patootie what some info hottie thinks.

6. I think patootie is a real word even if my dictionary doesn't.


Okay, that's my Saturday entry in the A to Z Blog Challenge. Hard to believe we only have eleven more posts to go. Of course, those eleven include the extra-challenging letters Q and X.

We take Sunday off for the challenge, but I'll have something else for you. See you tomorrow.

N is for Neglect: An Open Letter to My Manuscript

Dear manuscript,

I've seriously neglected you the last sixteen days, but our daughter, son-in-law and one-year old granddaughter have been here. I've been busy.

Dear manuscript, you weren't the only thing I neglected these sixteen days. I also skipped much of my usual blog-hopping and tweeting activities. I visited only a few blogs per day and only left an occasional comment.

But to tell you the truth, I haven't had this much fun in years. Darling granddaughter won my heart with her killer grin. She has the heart of an explorer, she loves books, and she made me laugh so much my sides ache.

So, dear manuscript, I'm sorry for neglecting you. I've missed you.

Darling granddaughter (and her mommy and daddy) are leaving today. I'll miss them too.

But you and I will be together again starting tomorrow, dear manuscript. And we're going to get the job done this time around. I promise.

Your loving author,
Patricia

M is for Magna cum Murder, Mugwump, Meditation, Mysteries and Molly MacRae

1. M is for Magna cum Murder

This mystery convention for authors, fans, and booksellers is scheduled for October 29-31 in Muncie, Indiana. Mother and son writing team Charles and Caroline Todd are the guests of honor. This is one of my favorite conventions because I used to live in Muncie and first attended as a mystery fan. It's here I discovered one of my favorite mystery writers, Susan Wittig Albert.


2. M is for Mugwump

I didn't know I was one, but it appears so, according to the second meaning in Webster's New College Dictionary: "One who acts independently, esp. in politics."

Mugwump. Patricia the Mugwump. I like it.


3. M is for Meditation

Meditation, like journaling, is one of those things I play with from time to time but never get really serious about. I've been thinking of signing up for the weekly meditation experience at our local senior center. Northern Colorado is also home to a couple of interesting retreat locations, although neither one is as close as that senior center. Both of these are wonderful for meditation training and practice as I found out when I toured with a senior center group.

The Shambhala Mountain Center near Red Feather Lakes is home of The Great Stupa of Dharmakaya. I sat in on meditation practice inside the Stupa when I was there to tour the facility. Things change when you enter the Stupa and absorb the quiet. One of the things on my bucket list is to spend a full week at the camp on retreat.

The Abbey of Saint Walburga (contemplative Benedictine Nuns) is a working farm and abbey near Virginia Dale that provides a retreat house for individuals and groups. The farm is peaceful and quiet. Visitors may attend services and prayers.


4. M is for Mysteries

I've never mastered the art of writing short stories, so I've launched an effort to study the process by reading my way through a bunch of mystery magazines and anthologies. I'm starting with Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine. That's where librarian and fellow Five Star author Molly MacRae has placed several of her short stories. And by the way, she'll have a new full-length mystery, Lawn Order, coming out in December.

If anyone can recommend a great book on writing the short mystery, let me know. I need all the help I can get.

L is for Lists

Special Note: My blog post on Exploring: Internet Resources for Crime Writers is scheduled for today (Wednesday, April 14th) at The Blood-Red Pencil. Hope you'll stop by.

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L is for Lists

The word "Lists" was the first one to pop into my head for "L" as I considered the next few post topics in the A to Z Blog Challenge. I love lists. They seem to be popular choices for blog posts as well. I knew there used to be a book called The Book of Lists so I started with a quick search at amazon.com and found quite a few list titles.

For those of us who like to do quick research for a blog post, however, choosing and ordering a book is not the quickest way to go. I did a Google search on the very general word "Lists" and received 253,000,000 results.

Here are two that will provide hours of reading fun:

Listverse: Ultimate Top 10 Lists. I found Top 10 Bizarre Products, 15 Quite Bizarre Factlets, and Top 10 Misconceptions About Neanderthals plus many more.

TopTenz.net: life, on a short list. Here you'll discover Top 10 Free Twitter Tools, Top 10 Songs by the Beatles, and 101 Things To Do When You're Bored.

I narrowed my search to "Lists funny" and narrowed the hits to 85,300,000.

At funnylists.net you'll discover 25 Signs You've Grown Up and 50 Ways to Mess With People in a Computer Lab.

The Laugh Line: Top Ten Lists includes Top 35 Oxymorons, Top Ten Reasons to Go to Work Naked, and Twenty Responses to Use With Telemarketers.

Narrowing the search further (in an effort to tie this post to the world of mysteries), I Googled "Top 10 Lists for Cops" and received 9,910,000 listings.

Tactical Pants Blog has this post on Top 10 Badass TV Cops from the '80s

Random Acts of Comedy Meets Police Academy features Top Ten Signs You've Been Exposed to Hazardous Material and Top Ten Signs You're Dealing With a Dumb Criminal.

Hope you enjoy one or two of those lists, and maybe pick up a couple of ideas for top ten lists of your own.

K is for Kaput

Once again consulting the Merriam-Webster online dictionary:

Kaput

"Main Entry: ka·put
Variant(s): also ka·putt \kə-ˈpu̇t, kä-, -ˈpüt\
Function: adjective
Etymology: German kaputt, from French capot not having made a trick at piquet
Date: 1895

1 : utterly finished, defeated, or destroyed
2 : unable to function
3 : hopelessly outmoded"

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How That Applies to Me

Today my get-up-and-go has gone kaput. I have no desire to work on my manuscript submissions or my critique group submission.

It's just one of those days.

In an effort to re-energize, I'm going out to the garage with my new handy-dandy box cutter, and I'm going to . . . cut boxes. Lots of boxes. We've gone over to the new smaller trash container plus the bigger recycle container on wheels. I can finally get rid of the collection of cardboard boxes we've accumulated.

And I still haven't had a chance to plant those pansies, so I'm going to do that before the poor things keel over dead in their tiny little pots.

I'm already yawning, and I haven't even left the computer yet.

Maybe I'll take a nap after all that hard physical work.

See what I mean? Kaput!

J is for Journaling

This is another entry in the A to Z Blog Challenge for the month of April.

I know a lot of writers who use journaling as a tool to jump start their new projects, work through feelings or crises, and set goals. A writer friend from Colorado, Mike Befeler, used a form of journaling to write his first three or four Paul Jacobsen geezer lit novels. The Morning Pages as proposed by Julia Cameron in the Artist's Way were his method -- handwriting three pages every morning before he went to work and typing with a small edit each day after he came home.

Journaling worked for me during certain stages of my life, but I've not been faithful to the task. It surprises me that I've maintained this blog so religiously since it's a form of journaling. Although I focus mostly on bookish topics, I throw a little of my inner self out here for all to see from time to time.

Over the years, I've used the journaling process when I'm going through some kind of sea change (a marked change or transformation). I keep all those old papers, so I decided to pull out the folders and notebook for this blog post and give you a few quotes from the past.

The folder with the yellowed sheets inside contains continuous feed computer paper. The first entry is dated September 4, 1984. I didn't have a computer then, didn't have access to one for personal use until sometime in 1985, so I must have taken handwritten entries and typed them up later.

Human beings are funny. They tend to react more than they act--and those reactions are often appropriate responses to someone else's expectations. If someone comes to me at work and say, "You're going to be very upset when I tell you what I did," I find myself exhibiting signs of being upset--before I even hear what the problem is.

November 2, 1984

Now have red Camaro smeared all over the front left side of my blue Firebird. The (unkind word deleted) turned right in front of me at Nebo Rd. and State Road 32. Remember thinking--how could he be so careless with such a gorgeous car--then thinking--I know in a second he's going to stop--I know he is--but he didn't.

I wasn't hurt at all, and neither was the teenager driving his stepfather's awesome red Camaro. I ended up feeling more sorry for the kid than I did for myself.

Later on in that folder I found journal entries from 1976 and 1977 before I went back to 1985. I must have had journal notes all over the place -- I apparently called these "Growth Notes."

Dec. 5, 1976. A dream

I was driving in a van to group [a consciousness raising group I had joined in February]--apparently at M's because I'm focused mostly on reaching M. Kept getting lost and making wrong turns. Suddenly I realized I was driving with no lights. Very dark night. I tried several times to turn lights on but they wouldn't work. Began slowing down and stopped van while still trying to get lights on. Lights came on at moment I stopped. Front of van was only inches from a brick wall. Got out of van to see where I was--narrow alley. Cat around my feet bugging me--kicked it. Somewhere the cat became a mother cat with two kittens, all of them around my feet, getting in my way and meowing.

Back in van, backed out of alley to continue to group. Sometime became aware that someone was following me. Became more scared. Finally found M's and started to pull in long drive that goes around to back of building. Still being followed. Did not want to get trapped back there in the dark so stopped in drive to confront person following me.

Kept keys in left hand--something larger in right hand--and started back toward car--convertible. As I demanded to know why--person pulled gun on me--said nothing. Total start terror! I threw whatever was in my right hand at person (man?) and yelled (not scream)--combination rage and fear. Woke me up. Yell was in my sleep--not out loud. I was soaking wet with sweat.

Brick wall: 24 bricks high and 16 bricks wide. 384 bricks to take down.

Anybody into analyzing a dream from 1976?

As I wandered through the old stuff I found extensive entries for the two years I lived in France (1985-1987), plus the letters I wrote to my mother during that period -- probably enough for a memoir. I found a notebook of morning pages from March through May 1996, apparently a period during which I was under a lot of work stress. And a small journal I'd forgotten about until I cleaned out the drawer in my bedside table contains entries from early 2001, before our world changed, plus a few entries from mid-2007.

Here's a fun entry:

Ideas: They plop into my head like fat worms thrown from a shovel-full of dirt, suddenly there, oozing and wriggling, stealing my attention from the real task at hand. Ideas so varied and so huge I could never develop them all into finished works. There aren't enough years left. Maybe smoosh them all into one great tome: The Moose That Got Lost in the Woods after the Afro-haired disco dancer in a silver-sequined dress burned down her mother's house after said mother [rest of idea unacceptable for a PG-13 blog]. Or just get busy and write what I can. . . .

So now that I've inspected all these old things and found some pretty interesting stuff, including a few entries I can't remember writing, does that make you want to look for your own old journals and notes? Or maybe start journaling right now? Wouldn't it be awesome to open these notebooks up 30 or 40 years later and remind yourself what was going on in your life back then? Or not.

I have plenty of room in that notebook I started in 1996. Maybe I'll try Morning Pages one more time.

Taking the Day Off

Tomorrow I need a "J" word for the A to Z Blog Challenge. I'm working on that.

And I'm enjoying a family day. We need to visit the bookstore for birthday books, and there's a cool playroom/coffee shop combination to check out.

Plus I bought a few pansies to plant.

It's been a long time since I posted photos, so I need to get busy with the camera.

And I'm on the hunt for worms. I went to my favorite nursery yesterday for worms for my compost bin and they didn't have any. Seems there's a shortage of composting worms in my town. I'm not in the mood to go worm digging. I'll make a few more calls and see if I can find a supply anywhere else.

Maybe I'll write about worms when I get to "W" -- if I can think of a way to tie worms to writing.

Well, duh. Writing about worms. That's a double W.

See you tomorrow.

I is for Ignominy

Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary (Eleventh Edition) definition of the noun ignominy:

1. Deep personal humiliation and disgrace.
2. Disgraceful or dishonorable conduct, quality, or action

And then there's the adjective: ignominious

1. Marked with or characterized by disgrace or shame -- dishonorable
2. Deserving of shame or infamy -- despicable
3. Humiliating, degrading (suffering an ignominious defeat)

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Here's a quote from the self-editing handout I use for classes and workshops:

"Habit words. That’s what I call them. Some editors lump them into the repetitive word category. Others include them in articles about adjectives and adverbs. I’ve dubbed them habit words because they flow into our writing in the same way they clutter up our speech. The little devils were probably hard-wired into our brains when we were born.

Knowing that, let’s accept the truth. Our early drafts will be littered with these throwaways. Our brains (and our keyboards) think the words belong. We might not see them, no matter how many times we go through our manuscripts. Knowing that, how do we identify them, and how do we eliminate them?"

And here are my notes about the most common habit words:

"Since many of us have the same habit words, here are those I find most often in my own work and in the manuscripts I critique: just, really, pretty, some, actually, so, well, back, up, oh, off, somehow, like, very, many, that, finally, real, rather, anyway."

Then there are the words unique to each of us, as when a fantasy writer gets the word "slashed" in his head and uses it over and over in battle scenes. Or an author writing vampire romance who can't let go of the word "fangs." Or the writer whose characters "shrug" on every page.

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As I mentioned yesterday, I'm rereading The Scarlet Letter by National Hawthorne. Nate had a couple of habit words of his own.

Ignominy
Ignominious

It's the kind of word you don't really notice the first time, maybe not the second. The third time is a red flag. After that, each use of a habit word takes me out of the story for a few seconds while I wonder why the author persisted in its use. Sure, the words fit the story and the times, but it's the kind of word that a reader notices.

The only explanation I can produce in defense of Hawthorne is the possibility the words were in common usage by the Puritans and no more cause for attention than pillory or scaffold.

I'm obviously picking away at a classic novel of great worth to have a little fun, but it's getting so hard to read any book without reading as an editor or writer, looking for the things that just wouldn't work in a contemporary mainstream or genre manuscript. The three things that jumped out as me as I read:

1. Of course, ignominy and ignominious -- the two "habit words" that distracted me. My critique group would find all of them with a little "Word Search" in Word's "Track Changes" and we'd be fixing that right now.

2. Long, long, long passages of narrative with long paragraphs. Great dialogue is there, but there's not nearly enough for the modern novel (unless, perhaps, it's literary). It's not that long narrative is wrong, it's just that you'll lose the modern reader.

3. I'm having a little trouble with point of view in The Scarlet Letter, and I need to read more carefully to figure out what's bothering me. If I focus on that, perhaps I'll have a decent writing-related post on Point of View as my "P" post in Arlee Bird's A to Z Blog Challenge.

Now that I have ignominy and ignominious stuck in my brain, I may have to start using it in all my manuscripts. Just once per novel, though.

If you've hung around this long, you must be interested enough to use one of the two "i" words in a sentence in your comment. Heh heh!

And if you're a classical purist who wishes to tell me off for making light of Nate and The Scarlet Letter, I invite you to leave your words of wisdom in the comment section.

H is for Historical Fiction

This is a convenient letter for today's post in the A to Z Blog Challenge, because I'm rereading The Scarlet Letter these days. I bet you're wondering why, since I recently told you I was on a thriller reading binge.

I'm working my way through The Scarlet Letter because I want to focus on Paula Reed's new release Hester as soon as possible. Here's the short synopsis from amazon.com:

"Upon the death of her demonic husband, Hester Prynne is left a widow, and her daughter Pearl, a wealthy heiress. Hester takes her daughter to live a quiet life in England--only to find herself drawn into the circle of the most powerful Puritan of all time, Oliver Cromwell. From the moment Hester donned the famous scarlet letter, it instilled in her the power to see the sins and hypocrisy of others, an ability not lost on the Lord Protector of the Commonwealth. To Cromwell, Hester’s sight is either a sign of sorcery or a divine gift that Hester must use to assist the divinely chosen in his scheming to control England. Since sorcery carries a death sentence, Hester is compelled against her will to use her sight to assist Cromwell. She soon finds herself entangled in a web of political intrigue, espionage, and forbidden love. Hester will carry readers away to seventeenth century England with a deeply human story of family, love, history, desire, weakness, and the human ideal."

The Scarlet Letter is much harder to read than I remember. The last time I tackled the book was in high school, and I probably did most of my reading during the day. Now I'm trying to read it in small bursts right before I go to bed, and my brain is not taking it in. Believe it or not, sometimes I feel as though I'm reading gibberish.

Paula told me I could read Hester without going back to the Hawthorne novel because she laid the historical groundwork and background out for her readers. I should trust her advice. I should skip Hawthorne's tale and go directly to Hester. I think I will, but I might wait until my company with one-year-old granddaughter travels on. It's hard to find more than ten minutes of reading time these days.

Speaking of historical fiction, I recently won another novel that I can't wait to read. Kelli Stanley's City of Dragons is set in 1940 San Francisco. Here is the publisher's synopsis as posted at barnes&noble.com

"February, 1940. In San Francisco's Chinatown, fireworks explode as the city celebrates Chinese New Year with a Rice Bowl Party, a three day-and-night carnival designed to raise money and support for China war relief. Miranda Corbie is a 33-year-old private investigator who stumbles upon the fatally shot body of Eddie Takahashi. The Chamber of Commerce wants it covered up. The cops acquiesce. All Miranda wants is justice--whatever it costs. From Chinatown tenements, to a tattered tailor's shop in Little Osaka, to a high-class bordello draped in Southern Gothic, she shakes down the city--her city--seeking the truth. An outstanding series debut."

Sounds like an excellent story to me. So perhaps I'll shift from thrillers to historical fiction for a while. Historical mysteries are especially hard to beat. There are many to choose from, but here's an author I read last year that you might want to check out. David Fulmer's Valentin St. Cyr mysteries are set in New Orleans in the early 1900s. Here's the story line for the first book in the series, Chasing the Devil's Tale, from amazon.com:

"Storyville, 1907: In this raucous, bloody, red-light district, where two thousand scarlet women ply their trade in grand mansions and filthy dime-a-trick cribs, where cocaine and opium are sold over the counter, and where rye whiskey flows like an amber river, there's a killer loose. Someone is murdering Storyville prostitutes and marking each killing with a black rose. As Creole detective Valentin St. Cyr begins to unravel the murder against this extraordinary backdrop, he encounters a cast of characters drawn from history: Tom Anderson, the political boss who runs Storyville like a private kingdom; Lulu White, the district's most notorious madam; a young piano player who would come to be known as Jelly Roll Morton; and finally, Buddy Bolden, the man who all but invented jazz and is now losing his mind. No ordinary mystery, Chasing the Devil's Tail is a chilling portrait of musical genius and self-destruction, set at the very moment when jazz was born."

This is a fascinating story with a variety of interesting characters. Fulmer mixes historical fiction and mystery with top-notch writing.

Drop back tomorrow for the letter I in the A to Z Blog Challenge -- I'm going to post about an annoying habit some writers have and why Hawthorne could have used a good critique group while writing the The Scarlet Letter.

G is for Gibberish

This is another post in the Arlee Bird A to Z Blog Challenge for April, a challenge I accepted of my own free will in a moment of craziness during which I thought I had unlimited ideas and plenty of time to mold those ideas into wonderful humorous posts. Today's post is an example of posting under the influence of fatigue.

G is for Gibberish.

There is a wikiHow on How to Speak Gibberish.

There is a Gibberish Generator at Keith's Think Zone. Actually, you may want to drop by Keith's for other reasons. He has a Solar System Scale Model Calculator and The World's Hardest Easy Geometry Problem and all kinds of neat stuff that's not gibberish.

There is a totally different kind of gibberish generator at Corporate Gibberish Generator on Andrew Davidson.com. I thought this one was especially funny since I once worked in a corporation out there in the real world (as opposed to writing world which is right next to the Twilight Zone).

Now that I think about it, the real world is the Twilight Zone. What was I thinking?

And now you know the kind of gibberish I can generate when I'm sleepy.

I almost forgot, I need to tie this post to the world of mystery/suspense/thriller.

I'm thinking...

Okay, so that didn't work out so well.

Wait...no, never mind.

Aren't you getting all excited to see what I come up with for H?

F is for Federal Bureau of Investigation

If you write mysteries, suspense, or thrillers, the first thing I'd like you to do is mark Wednesday, April 14th, on your calendar to check the post I'm contributing on Internet resources for crime writers to The Blood-Red Pencil blog.

One of the sources I include (and have used quite often since I like to plunk an FBI agent or two into my stories) is the website for the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Is your book about white collar crime? There's a page for that.

Need the available statistics on the most famous bad guys on the planet or just want to stare at their mug shots (you know, just in case you run into a suspicious looking character at the mall)? There are enough bad guys pictured to keep you busy for hours.

Information on cybercrimes--new scams and hoaxes? The FBI puts the warnings here.

What if you're writing a historical novel and need background on Bonnie and Clyde? There are photos and documents in the archives.

Even if you don't write anything but blog posts or notes in your personal journal, there are things on the FBI website that you might find fascinating. The website is there to educate and inform. There's even a kid's page.

And don't forget to watch for my post on The Blood-Red Pencil on April 14th.

E is for Epistolary Novel

Starting with Laurie Henry's The Fiction Dictionary, the definition of an epistolary novel is "A novel written in the form of letters--either all by one character or among characters." The expanded definition includes everything from letters to journal entries.

The most recent one I've read is The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Schaefer and Annie Barrows. I consider it a bit of a mystery in some ways, as there's a character no one is quite sure what happened to. Note: I highly recommend this book. Considering I don't usually care for epistolary novels, that's a big endorsement.

As soon as I spotted this term in Henry's book, I wondered if anyone writes epistolary mysteries. I couldn't think of one off the top of my head, so I began to enter search terms in the little Google box. Here's what I found:

Dying to Meet You: 43 Old Cemetery Road by Kate Klise (2009). This is a middle-grade graphic novel -- we not only have a mystery and letters, we have illustrations. I found the reference at a public librarian's blog, Shelf-Employed. I love librarians (and libraries) so I'm now a new follower. If you love librarians, stop by and show Shelf-Employed a little reader/writer love.

Carrie by Stephen King is considered an epistolary novel on some lists, and it's the closest thing to an adult mystery I could find. How about the rest of you? Does anyone have an epistolary mystery to tell us about?

D is for "Don't Murder Your Mystery"

Special Note:

If you're interested in putting your name in the April book giveaway from Mystery Writers of America, check my post from yesterday (Sunday, April 4th). The list of books and the link to the entry page is there, just for you.

D is for "Don't Murder Your Mystery"

Today's post is the fourth in my Arlee Bird A to Z Blog Challenge for the month of April. If you want to visit any of the other participants in the challenge, Arlee's blog, Tossing It Out, is the place to go. He has all those blogs listed in a special blogroll -- I can't visit them all every day, but the ones I've read so far have been awesome. This is the most diverse group of bloggers I've shared an experience with so far, and I'm enjoying every minute of it.

Okay, down to business. The letter D. I've recommended this book in the past, but I have new readers, some of whom are writing mysteries. In my humble opinion, this book is indispensable. Its complete title is: Don't Murder Your Mystery: 24 Fiction-Writing Techniques to Save Your Manuscript From Turning Up . . . D.O.A.

For those of you who write in other genres, award-winning author Chris Roerden has a more recent publication called: Don't Sabotage Your Submission: Save Your Manuscript From Turning Up D.O.A. The main difference between the two editions is that Chris adds examples from non-mysteries to expand on her advice.

Chris Roerden is an expert in her field -- with experience as an editor, author and teacher, and her success in helping us become better writers, she is the perfect person to listen to as we strive to make our writing better. You can check her website for editing information and formatting standards. Published authors can find her submission guidelines for good writing quotes for her future "Don't" books.

So, D is for don't -- don't stop reading and learning. If you're a writer, Chris Roerden's books are a good place to start.

April's Book Giveaway at Mystery Writers of America

Sunday is the day we take a break from Arlee Bird's A to Z Blog Challenge, so I thought I'd slip in the monthly reminder to sign up for the box of books given away at the Mystery Writers of America website. This month they have nineteen books on the list. Nineteen! Here are the April titles.


The Last Illusion by Rhys Bowen
Sudden Death by Allison Brennan
Evil in Carnations by Kate Collins
Do They Know I'm Running? by David Corbett
Expose! by Hannah Dennison
Death Without Tenure by Joanne Dobson
The Widow's Revenge by James D. Doss
The Puzzle Lady vs. The Sudoku Lady by Parnell Hall
The Mammoth Book of Best British Mysteries edited by Maxim Jakubowski
The Dragon Factory by Jonathan Maberry
Print the Legend by Craig McDonald
Slow Fire by Ken Mercer
Bundle of Trouble by Diana Orgain
Broken Places by Sandra Parshall
Smasher by Keith Raffel
Drive Time by Hank Phillippi Ryan
Death in North Beach by Ronald Tierney
The Fashion Hound Murders by Elaine Viets
The Bad Kitty Lounge by Michael Wiley

There are some serious mystery/suspense/thriller titles in that bunch, so I know you want to pop right over and get your name on the list. This is where you need to go:

http://www.mysterywriters.org/?q=Contests-Readers

And don't forget to come back here tomorrow to see what I post for the letter "D" in the A to Z challenge.

C is for Climax

If that title doesn't get me a few more visitors from Twitter, nothing will.

While writing this post I'm womaning the Northern Colorado Writers studio for the day. I usually have a dictionary and a Bartlett's by my computer as I write, so I strolled into the NCW library to see what we had on the shelves. And I found the coolest book:

The Fiction Dictionary by Laurie Henry (Story Press, an imprint of F&W Publications, Cincinnati, Ohio, 1995).

I flipped to the Cs and found words and definitions from "camp fiction" to "cyberpunk." I jumped to the Us to see if there was a definition for "urban fantasy" in 1995. There was not. No Xs or Zs either. I won't get off so easy later in the month. I've linked to a 2001 edition of the book, so it would be interesting to see what additions might have been made since 1995.

Today I could have chosen catharsis, cliche, conflict, or crisis. I picked climax instead. Defined by Ms. Henry as "turning point -- The point in a story's action when tension is at its highest, generally a point close to the end of the work."

Taking The Desert Hedge Murders as my example for today, the climax of the novel comes toward the end when Sylvia and Willie (and P.I. Patsy Strump) are caught snooping around an old touristy gold mine at night. Patsy disappears, truck headlights come on, catching Sylvia and Willie crossing the parking lot, and I sure would love it if you'd ask your library to order a copy so you can see what happens next.

As Ms. Henry says, "A climax will be followed, in a conventional story, by the denouement, the tying up of any loose ends." Hmmm. I guess that eliminates "denouement" as my word for Monday's post. Anyway, yes, there's a denouement following the climax in my novel. As a matter of fact, there are two (but I keep them short so readers don't get bored out of their minds -- long, drawn-out denouements are the pits).

I've check The Fiction Dictionary out of the NCW library for the week. Is there anything you want me to look up?

B is for Bravery

If our main characters aren't brave, if they don't have the courage to confront evil, face their fears, and fight back to defend themselves or their loved ones, they're not likely to be sympathetic characters. Most readers of mystery, suspense, and thrillers expect the main character to live up to the challenge, to be a hero.

From Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple to Lee Child's Jack Reacher, bravery is one of the most important traits of the genre's protagonists.

Interesting enough, bravery in a main character is often accompanied by a reckless disregard for his own safety, and sometimes a big streak of stupidity.

In my two amateur sleuth mysteries, The Prairie Grass Murders and The Desert Hedge Murders, 60ish characters Sylvia Thorn and her brother Willie Grisseljon are actively involved in solving crimes. Sylvia, although she should know better, impulsively sticks her nose in places it doesn't belong. She has a heightened sense of responsibility and wants bad guys apprehended. If she thinks the law isn't up to it, she steps up to the plate.

Willie, a more cautious soul, would prefer to leave the sleuthing up to the police. He tries to talk Sylvia into abandoning her detecting activities, but when the chips are down, he'll do anything to keep his sister safe.

Have you ever read a book from this genre where the main character gave in to his fears and never showed the slightest sign of courage? Would such a character be appealing?


"Bravery never goes out of fashion."
--------------------William Makepeace Thackery (1811-1863)

A is for Assassin

I'm not sure it's possible to come up with a mystery/suspense/thriller word for all twenty-six letters of the alphabet, but that's what I'm aiming for.

Today is the first day of Arlee Bird's Blog Boggled: Blogging From A to Z April Challenge, and I'm determined to make it all the way to Z by sticking to my genre theme. This is no April Fool's joke, even though it may turn out to be my April Fool's errand. Some letters could be difficult. We'll see.

But let's get to get back to the today's topic: A is for Assassin

Please note we're talking about assassins with a lower case a, not the upper case A Assassins, a whole different topic. The first definition of assassin at dictionary.com is: "a murderer, esp. one who kills a politically prominent person for fanatical or monetary reasons."

Writer Laurell K. Hamilton is quoted (at brainyquote.com) as saying, "You'd think a sociopath assassin wouldn't have a fan following but he does."

I don't know the context of this quote, whether Ms. Hamilton was speaking of vampires or humans, but I can believe what she says, just as I believe most serial killers have a fan following of sorts.

There is an assassin in my current manuscript, the one I'm still revising. I'm hoping he has a fan following someday. Albert Getz is a killer who is out to get his client, Benny Ortega. Albert has an unfortunate run of bad luck on the job, suffering one accident after another, until he...well, that would be giving away a crucial piece of the plot. Let's just say an assassin should not be accident prone. It's unseemly.

Speaking of assassins, a recent article at POPSCI described an Air Force Flying Assassin Robot, a drone that can isolate and dispose of individuals without taking out innocent bystanders at the same time.

Albert's line of work may soon be obsolete.