Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Tight Earmuffs Can Smush Your Brain

My full disclosure statement: One of my college minors was in natural resources so I've studied air, water, and soil quality as well as environmental law and science. I took these courses in the early 1970s. Believe it or not, environmental science has been around a long time. My second minor was in political science. Politicians have been around even longer than environmental science. Sigh.

AL GORE


In spite of the cold, I went out this morning to run a couple of errands. Bundled up, booted, and muffled (or is that mufflered?), I drove to the drugstore and the bank. As usual, I had the radio on a local talk radio station. So there I was, on nearly the coldest day I've experienced since we moved to Northern Colorado, and I'm listening to Al Gore tell me the Arctic ice cap is melting and will be gone within ten years, that "climate change deniers" (or is that denyers?) are misguided, and carbon dioxide is known to trap heat and is doing so here on earth as we speak.

I started to weep from the sadness of it all, but the heater had not yet raised the temperature inside my car. My tears froze on my face.

Maybe I misunderstood Mr. Gore's words. My ear muffs were on pretty tight.

By the way, I heard a rumor earlier that there was going to be a wonderful event in Copenhagen where you could shake hands with Mr. Gore and get your photo taken for slightly more than $1,200. Then I heard the event had been cancelled. As a matter of fact, I understand Mr. Gore will not be attending the Copenhagen festival at all due to an unforeseen scheduling problem. Darn. Oh, well, maybe he'll come to Colorado and shake my hand for free.

Oops, forgot to take off those tight earmuffs. Smushed all my brain cells.


THE BOOKS

Just for the pure fun of it, I looked up the comparative sales ranks on barnesandnoble.com for four of today's best-selling authors of controversial politically-motivated hardcover books to see who's making the big bucks (note that President Obama's book was published in 2006 so he'd receive a bonus if we weighted the results):

As of the time of this post, here's what I found:

Sarah Palin, Going Rogue. November 2009. Sales rank: 2

Glenn Beck, Arguing With Idiots: How to Stop Small Minds and Big Government. September 2009. Sales Rank: 24

Barack Obama, The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream. October, 2006. Sales Rank: 4,408

Al Gore, Our Choice. November 2009. Sales Rank 23,368


CONCLUSIONS

1. Don't spend $1,200 to shake a politician's hand.

2. Read lots of books (but if you want to read any of the four above, I recommend checking them out of the library).

3. Remove your earmuffs from time to time, especially if they're really tight.

12 comments:

Margot Kinberg said...

Hysterical!! Thanks for sharing : )!

Patricia Stoltey said...

Hi Margot -- Glad you got a chuckle from my bizarre mood post. It's been a strange day.

Helen Ginger said...

Very cute, Patricia. Also makes me glad I live in central Texas where we have very little need for ear muffs. And, yet, I still get cold.

Helen
Straight From Hel

Elizabeth Spann Craig said...

Too funny! And the sad thing is that we can't even laugh at these politicos...they're making too much darn money as writers.

Elizabeth
Mystery Writing is Murder

Marianne said...

So funny!! Love the earmuffs!! :::))

Elizabeth Bradley said...

Funny post ;-)

Elspeth Antonelli said...

I think the fluff from ear muffs can migrate through your ears and into your brain. Of course, this is just a theory. Perhaps I could get a government grant to research it fully.

And yes, if I read those books I will check them out from the library.

From someone else who minored in Poli Sci;

Elspeth

Patricia Stoltey said...

Thanks, everyone, for stopping by today. Nice to see you here, Marianne.

Geesh, now the wind is blowing, so the wind chill must be horrid. Luckily, the furnace is working fine so I don't need to wear those earmuffs inside the house.

Elspeth, I hear you. We definitely need a government grant to study exactly why earmuffs cause brain smushing. We should also compare Canadian earmuff users to U.S. earmuff wearers to see which country has the highest incidence of brain fluff.

Carol Kilgore said...

I laughed about the tight earmuffs!

Kerrie said...

You are too funny! I wouldn't spend $1,200 to shake a politicians hand, but Donny and Marie--that's another story. :-)

Megan DiMaria said...

Too bad authors can't sell $1,200 handshakes, right?

Fun post, thanks for sharing.

Patricia Stoltey said...

If I could make $1,200 for one handshake, I'd at least throw in a bag of homemade cookies. Much more enticing than a photo op (in my humble opinion).